pilot

He brought me here, im certain, it was Him.

2 weeks after school and i havent learned anything very much authentic yet. Patience. Patience is what Anakin Skywalker dont have that turned him to become Darth Vader. I dont want to be a creature living inside a dreaded black dress.

cadeau. we’ve been quite challenged lately, but nonetheless, we’ve managed to be happy, genuinely happy. food, how can it be so real?

sometimes, we hold back the things we already have left. but they are treasures beyond compare and its going to be a big mistake letting them slip away again.

3rd. jinx. that’s right.

Boss, teach me to give everything away, not to hold anything back for myself, not to have reservations for assurance. i know its the only way out. teach me, Master.

at long last, i finally got everything almost settled and in the process of moving on.

getting started, more importantly know that class have already resumed and id have to eradicate all negative thoughts to be able to make the most out of everything life is offering. one week of feeling lonely and suffering from despair is enough to realize that there is always a better side of it.

whatever may come, i guess il make better decisions this time. i have long been in the middle, in the battlefield where all fighting takes place, but then i dont have to take sides, i was never a part of it.

cadeau. amazing it seems how i have learned to value even single, not-so-special moments with cadeau or should i say that all moments became special because they were spent with cadeau. forgive me for not using any pronoun for cadeau. we can last this.. God knows id die to save this, save us, together.

may we find all our heart’s desire, all that God deems necessary for us.

moving on begins.

"it is not who i am underneath, it is what i do that defines me."

at school, schedule sucks! i almost died enrolling making sure i have all the schedules that i want, now, it’s me adjusting. isn’t that fair?

but desperate measures are necessary and i have to comply with that.

why do we have to care for people who would not even move a finger to do something for us?

thanks to cadeau. ive managed to smile with the presence of the aura that gives me strength and hope. janie’s dead without cadeau.

19.

im 19 and happy.

there were a lot of things to be thankful for. i almost cry doing that hours ago, i dont want to cry. that will ruin it.

at 19, i guess somehow, i have the right to call myself a functional member of the world. in my own way, i know there was something i was able to share.

at 19, im still at school and is close to finishing it, hopefully i make it on time.

at 19, im still childish. happy at little stuff, forgiving even at worst scenarios.

at 19, i have learned that staying happy depends on how you look life. God was generous enough to give us free will, so we’ll have our own plans on how we will run our lives.

at 19, i guess, i have a sane mind still. i have made wrong calls and bad moves, but nonetheless, i have tried to counter them with better, well-thought actions.

at 19, im excited what life still has to offer and im as well preparing for the life beyond 19 and years larger than that.

at 19, i am close to the life i havent experienced yet even in the past years. the afterlife.

at 19, i write blogs. and it’s cool.

ad majorem dei gloriam.

19.

i must not fear to let go, though i have always been afraid to lose hope.

sometimes, in the process of trying to get what we want, and failing to actually call them, "ours", God is so nice to shower us with things better than what we have been actually working for. so at the end of the day, we smile. we are happy.

but days will test us, most of the time, will question us if we have made the wrong decision of settling with something we never have dreamt of. so we change our ways, and again, look for that something we have always wanted.

stupidity as it may seem, but i kept running around in circles.

letting go. this time, it is certain, i am certain.

Boss wanted me to settle with the one who have always been around despite having its own weaknesses and failures, who never fails to light up the day and make me travel miles just for the smile that fills the emptiness inside me. crying with my cadeau gives me the most amount of certainty.

letting go, the only way out.

"pasandal naman sa likod mo, kahit isang gabi lang?"

as barry manilow sings, letting go is just another way to say, il always love you so.